Sorting out my library…
You don’t follow the crowd. You make up your own mind.
Margaret Thatcher, r.i.p. 1925-2013
I used to think I loved him.
But when I found out he loved another…
It was then I understood the meaning of heart break, and the pain of having your heart ripped from your chest and torn in half.
Jealousy is an irksome emotion, and absent in great men-it is petty, and unnecessary.
After all…if he doesn’t love me….well that’s all.
I can’t love him if he doesn’t love me. That’s a point of love.
And if it turns out that the girl whom he does love is better than me…I’ll accept that and move on.
But when I find that she is in fact beneath me, sloppy and uncouth…at that moment, I stopped loving him as well.
If he loved someone as her…I couldn’t love him, despite what I saw in him. Actions speak louder than words, and a man who professed to love one kind of woman while actually taking another kind, is no man.
It’s hard to let go.
To relinquish all you’ve held dear,
to break the sacred bonds,
to renounce all you love
to all you hate.
It’s hard to move on,
to keep on going,
to never look back.
To suddenly toss away
that which you have spent so much time on
Shed so many tears over,
Spent many a night obsessing and dreaming about,
Tossing and turning,
to their image in your thoughts.
He never did.
I wish it weren’t so…
I wish there was some other way…
But I can’t be his forever,
And he has no right to my thoughts
A thief who stole my heart,
which I now seek to be returned.
The road ahead is long and arduous
but whatever is to come,
is better than what I have left behind.
I just have to keep on going,
step by step,
farther and farther away.
"I never thought it could be so hard to lose something I never really had." -Unknown
He was never really mine to love, to have, to admire and weep and wail over. I meant as little to him as a fly to an ox, a mouse to a lion-but he, he came into my world, opened the windows and door, and let light flow into a formerly dark place. I never had him-but I didn’t want to own him-simply being with him was enough, to be able to shout the three forbidden words, and hear them back.
I love you.
Perhaps he knew. There were certainly enough clues. But if he did know, he never showed a sign of it, and we were two planets, two stars in the sky, yet I was orbiting around him, drawn by the force of his personality.
But there are other planets in the universe, other stars in the sky.
He was so close, and yet so far…it was only until I observed him from away that I learned his orbit stretched farther than me, drawing in hordes of stars, until I was crushed and crowded out, one among millions, just another ordinary girl, no special star.
Love takes away one’s free will, one’s freedom of choice. You have no choice in love. Whether to love or not, to fall in love with who and whom. The choice is in the sky, and we are all but hanging stars, awaiting Cupid’s arrow to strike. Yet even Eros misfires sometimes, aiming at two, but only hitting one.
The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else.
I don’t believe in love at first sight.
I believe love needs time to ferment, to stew and boil to really flourish. I believe love isn’t simply based on physical appearances, but the interior as well, characteristics and traits and personality.
But the first time I laid eyes on you, something in me just…knew.
You captured my attention, that first time, and later, my heart and mind.
It wasn’t specifically the way you looked, or even the way you acted.
It was you. The dark curls, the piercing eyes, the boyish grin and blush-when you entered the room, voices dimmed to a hush, all eyes were on you.
I knew then, that you were special. One of a kind. One in a million.
You enthralled my interest-I had almost given up hope of finding a captivating man-and then you came along, and changed my world.
It’s different now, changed-myself and my world from when I first met you to know is vastly unlike-I’m a changed woman, but I’m not quite sure if for better or worse.
You came into my world, turned it upside down, and changed it…
but then you left, as suddenly as you came.
And now I’m left with nothing but old memories and painful scars, memories of what could have been.